Suffering
by GreenflameDev
Summary: He was right. he was always right. I was so dumb to think that people cared. I knew too damn well that no one did. I was so stupid to think that people loved me. No one ever does. I wipe my eyes with my left arm and look at my right. Without thinking, I start cutting. I wince in pain but I don't stop. (P.S there is self harm, suicidal thoughts, takes place after s5. Greenflame)
1. Chapter 1

_**Suffering**_

Lloyd was just like his friends. He had his powers, he had fun, just like any other person. He hung out with his friends, defeated the bad guys. He was strong, fearless. Well, that's what they say anyway.

 _You'll get over it,_ the ninja had said. _You'll forget about it,_ they had said.

But even so, Lloyd hadn't gotten over it.

He'd never forget how Morro would mock him. How he'd taunt him and mess with his mind. He had forgotten how to live his normal life, what his favorite food was. He even almost forgot the ninja. Morro would tell him that he was worthless, that he was never destined to be the green ninja, that _he_ was suppose to be the green ninja. He'd tell Lloyd that no one would care about him, that he was just a pathetic waste of space. He even told him that... That Kai shouldn't have saved him.

"Saved me from what?" Lloyd had asked weakly, out of breath from trying to break out of his cage.

Morro had rolled his eyes. "You idiot! When you were little and he chose to save you instead of that Fangblade!" He had shouted.

Lloyd remembered. He remembered when Kai was looking from him to the blade, which was about to slide in from the lava. They were trapped in a volcano that was about to erupt, and Lloyd remembered staring helplessly at Kai, stuck on a stone. He was younger at that time, much younger, with childish attitudes. He had remembered when Kai had jumped on to the stone and grabbed him, holding on tightly.

"What about the Fangblade?" Lloyd had shouted, looking at the blade, which was almost completely in.

Kai had been looking around. "Forget it!" He had said.

He remembered when a ball of fire went around him, how Kai was closing his eyes, and how they flew out of the volcano, together.

 _Together._

A word that he hadn't heard in a long time.

Lloyd hadn't remembered how good it felt when Morro was gone, how the wind had cooled him off, and most importantly...

He hadn't remembered what his friends had looked like.

He had forgotten about Jay's ginger hair and how he made him laugh.

He had forgotten about Cole's obsession with cake.

He had forgotten about Zane, his nindroid friend.

He had forgotten about Nya and her excellent sense for adventure.

And he had forgotten about Kai.

Kai.

The one who wouldn't give up on saving him.

The one who risked his own life to save him from drowning.

* * *

Lloyd sat up on his bed, groaning and holding his head.

After all of the events, he's forgetting about his dad.

His dad.

The one who's sacrificed his own life for Ninjago.

How could he forget him?

Morro was gone now, he was gone. Lloyd's body wasn't possessed anymore, and he can feel everything again. He could see his friends' faces clearly, without Morro having to interrupt everything.

 _Damnit,_ Lloyd was thinking.

His dad. His dad was... Gone. He was gone, he wasn't here anymore.

Lloyd could still here his faint laughter in his head, how it felt when he had hugged him when he had defeated the overlord.

"Every ounce of evil and venom is... Gone." His mom had said, hugging his dad.

"But I am not." Garmadon had said, hugging his family.

* * *

Lloyd walked over to the kitchen at midnight.

 _I shouldn't do this._ He was thinking. _Who cares. Not like anyone would care about me._

His mind had flashed back from Morro saying that to him. He shook it off, grabbing a small knife.

He heard a set of footsteps coming.

"Shit." He whispered, running to his room quietly.

It was Kai.

Now he definently shouldn't be doing this.

How could he betray Kai?

 _Pfft, it's not like_ he _would care._

He heard Kai grab a glass of water and walk away to his room, which was the room right next to him. He waited until his door was closed.

Lloyd sat down in his bed with the door closed, gripping the knife's handle tightly.

 _Why am I doing this?_ He asked himself. He slowly put the knife on his arm.

It felt cool, something he hadn't felt in a while. He almost forgot how hard the handle was.

He slowly put it in deeper, feeling pressure. He bit his lip and closed his eyes.

 _Smart move, moron._

He had almost thought that it was Morro. He opened his eyes and looked at his arm. It wasn't bleeding yet. It wasn't deep enough.

Slowly, he put it on his skin again, pushing deeper and wincing. He felt a rip on his arm and put the knife down.

It was bleeding.

 _Of course it's bleeding. What else would've happened if I cut myself?_

He wiped off the blood. It wasn't then until he noticed that he cut deep. Like, super deep. So the cut was thin. So what? That didn't stop him from cutting deep.

So it hurt. So what? What better thing can he do?

 _Fuck, crap_

He hid the knife under his pillow.

* * *

He dreamt about Morro.

He dreamt of how he had taunted him, how he mocked him. He dreamt of how he put him in the cage, just shoved him in there. All of his dreams were with Morro. It was like he could still feel him.

Lloyd almost felt... Bad.

Morro was kind of like Kai. Kai wanted to be the green ninja. Morro did too. But Kai didn't... He didn't...

Lloyd had woken up to the sound of his alarm. Was he thinking that long?

 _Fuck._


	2. Chapter 2

_**Suffering**_

 **KRR: Hey, I remember you! You're that dude who kept on reviewing on my Ninjago stories! How could I forget you?! Glad you like it :D**

* * *

Lloyd looked at the time. 7:00. Thursday. He groaned.

Training Day.

He almost forgot about that.

He forgot how it got him exhausted, and how he would run through the obstacle course, trying not to kill himself.

 _Not to kill myself?_

He would dodge the robots trying to attack him, knocking them down. He would jump up from wall to wall, ledge to ledge, trying to loose his enemy.

He had forgotten how it felt.

Sensei banged a pot against a pan loudly. Lloyd shut his ears.

"What the hell?!" He shouted.

He looked down on his arm. _Oh shit._

Where his arm was when he was sleeping was a blood stain. It wasn't huge, but it was still a blood stain. He covered it with his blanket. He looked at his arm. It looked awful.

 _I shouldn't have done that._

 _Of course you shouldn't have._

Lloyd had sworn he just heard Morro's voice. But... How could he be alive? He was... Dead. Well, he already was, and then he died again.

He wore his ninja suit. The green fabric that he hadn't touch in a long time. He forgot how comfortable it was, how the mask went over his face, covering half his face.

 _I should've been the green ninja!_ Lloyd heard Morro shout in his head. He remembered when he kept on saying that.

* * *

Lloyd can here the ninja coming out now, closing the door behind them and groaning. Lloyd walked out too, but with his mask on.

"What the heck Sensei?" Jay asked. "You interrupted my favorite dream!"

"Is it about you sleeping on your bed?" Cole said.

"Yeah..." Jay nodded.

Sensei cleared his throat. "You guys know what to do."

The other ninja nodded, going outside to train, leaving Lloyd looking into the distance.

"Lloyd?" Sensei asked.

Lloyd blinked. "Yes Sensei?" He gulped.

"Come with me."

* * *

Sensei motioned Lloyd to sit down infront of him in the dining room.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"Y-yeah.."

 _Liar._ Lloyd heard Morro's voice.

"Are you sure?"

Lloyd sighed and took a shaky breath. "N-no..." He said, in the verge of tears. He started crying. "I fucking miss him."

Sensei sighed. "I do too."

"I miss his voice. I miss his laughter. I miss his over protective personality. God damnit why am I crying?!" He shouted. "I'm suppose to be the green ninja! Fucking hell." He wiped his tears with his sleeves.

"It's okay to cry."

"I hated it Sensei, I hated it. Morro had mocked me. He taunted me and made me think awful things. It made me think that I'd never escape from his grasps. That I wasn't worthy to be the green ninja. I couldn't feel anything. I only felt his emotions and mine. How he was angry. That was all he felt. I had forgotten almost everything about myself! God fucking... How are you so calm?! What the hell?!"

"..."

"Yeah, you got nothing to say, don't you?! Cause you didn't experience it! You don't think that it wasn't all 'that bad'! That's what everyone says. 'You'll get through it' the ninja had said. They fucking think I can get through it that easy?! God, shit."

Lloyd glared at him and shoved himself out of the conversation, pushing himself into his room.

Sensei remained silent.

* * *

The ninja had been watching through the window.

"I feel so bad for the kid.." Nya mumbled sadly.

Kai looked down. "I should've been at the museum with him." He said. "It was all my fault."

"It wasn't your fault Kai," Zane said, putting his hand on his shoulder. "We didn't know that this would happen."

Kai shook his head. "I know, but I feel like we could've done something to prevent it!"

"He's gonna get over it, Kai, don't worry." Cole said.

* * *

 _"Make a journal and write down all your thoughts."_ Sensei had said to Lloyd.

He looked through his storage to find a blank notebook.

It was a bit worn down, but it was enough. It was spiral coiled with blue and red lines going through it. Just like any basic notebook.

 **Hey, Lloyd here,**

 **It's Thursday, also known as the dreaded Training Day with my friends, cause Sensei wakes us up. Sensei suggested me to write in this journal after all the events have happened. I guess I should fill in.**

 **Fuck. No, I shouldn't. Nevermind...**

 **Crap...**

 **Anyway, I guess I just feel lonely and lost after this. I have forgotten almost everything about myself. I forgot what my favorite food was, if it was either pizza or pie, ice cream or chocolate.**

 **Like, how could my friends be okay with this?! I'm fuckin hurting over here and their just going about like the old times. If there even was an old time. I can't remember. Like, Jesus. "You'll be okay" they say. "You can't quit now" they say.**

 **i can fucking quit whenever I want. It's not like you have the power to control my life.**

 **And my dad.**

 **I miss him.**

 **I fucking miss him.**

 **i miss the way he talks.**

 **the way he laughs.**

 **The way he cared.**

 **The way he was so over protective of me.**

 **The way he loved.**

 **jesus.**

 **Since no one probably wouldn't read this, then whatever. I'll just pour in whatever I feel right now.**

 **I know I'm depressed god damnit. Can't you take the hint?! Fuckin, and you don't do anything about it. What kind of friends are they?!**

 **I just want to die. I want to leave this world. Fuck this place. God. Not like anyone would miss me. Not like anyone would care.**

 **The thing that is wrong with me is that I care too much. I care too much and get bad things in return.**


	3. Chapter 3

_**Suffering**_

* * *

It was Friday morning, also known as No Training Day.

Lloyd groaned and sat up. How long was he up? He couldn't even remember.

All he remembers was crying on his pillow...

And his knife.

He lifted up his white, soaked pillow and found his knife, slightly stained. He grasped it tightly, his muscles tensing. He looked at the next spot he would cut. He started cutting. He couldn't stop.

 _I have to stop._

He can't stop. It's a habit. A bad habit. Once a cut started bleeding, he just went to the next available space, either above or below it.

It stung. It stung really bad. His hands were shaking. He couldn't control it.

 _Fuck._

 _I shouldn't have done that._

He dropped the knife on the cold, hardwood floor, landing with a soft ping. He winced at the pain.

 _Pain._

That's a word he remembered. He remembers it clearly. Pain. He remembered how mentally painful it was to get mocked by Morro. To see the hurt in Morro's eyes.

That was all he felt when Morro possessed him. He felt all of his emotions. The only thing he felt was hatred. Hatred on the ninja. Hatred on Lloyd. And mostly, hatred on Sensei.

* * *

Kai knocked on his door.

"Wake up green machine."

 _Shit._

"Uh... Yeah! Just a sec!"

He put the knife back under his pillow and wiped away the blood on his arm. He opened the door.

"Hey Lloyd!" Kai said cheerfully.

"Hey Kai!" He plastered on a fake smile.

Kai frowned and looked at his arm.

"What happened to your arm?" He asked, confused.

Lloyd widened his eyes. He racked his brain.

 _Excuse! Excuse!_

"I found a stray cat the other day. Tried to take it to the bounty but ah...it scratched me."

Kai squinted at it but shrugged.

"Okay. Well, we're going to eat now, you wanna come with us?"

 _Eat?_

He couldn't remember what he ate. He couldn't remember what his favorite food was, what his least favorite food was.

"Umm... Sure.."

* * *

Lloyd sat beside Kai and Jay.

Zane had cooked, so obviously it tasted delicious. There were pancakes, waffles, fruit, and of course, cupcakes. Cole was stuffing a bunch of them in his mouth.

Jay looked at Cole and shook his head, smiling. "You're so childish." He mumbled, chewing.

Cole punched Jay playfully. "Am not!"

Lloyd was staring at his food, poking it every once in a while. He didn't feel like eating, he couldn't eat. Not when his seat was right in front of his dad's usual seat.

"Well, come on and eat, we're not going to poison you." Nya said jokingly, looking at Lloyd.

Lloyd's eyes swelled up in tears.

"Are you okay?" Zane asked.

Lloyd wiped his tears. "Y-yeah.. Yeah, I'm ah... Im fine. I just um.. I have to get something."

"Wait, Lloyd-" Kai said, but Lloyd was already out of hearing distance.

Kai saw some blood drip on the "scratched arm".

* * *

Lloyd slammed the door behind him and sat down on his bed, letting all his tears out.

 _What is wrong with me?_

He looked at his arm and winced. There was more blood now. He took out his knife again and put more and more cuts. More and more. Until he couldn't handle the pain anymore. His arm stung. The blood slowly spewed out.

 _I'm sorry dad. I fucking miss you._

He took his journal and started writing, his hands shaking wild. Tears were dripping in the paper.

 **Hey,**

 **Its Friday, and I'm crying. Again. I can't stand it anymore. I can't. I'm fucking done. I can't stand it seeing him gone. I can't stand how the ninja do nothing about it. Fuckin, I can't do this anymore. I'm going.**

 **To whoever reads this, I'm probably dead. Or probably about to kill myself.**

 **Goodbye.**

 _No one would read your phatetic life story._

Lloyd heard Morro's voice again. But this time, he didn't care. He didn't care anymore.

He took out the knife again and stuffed it in his pocket. He then took his journal. He went back out and threw his journal in the garbage.

"Hey Lloy-" Kai was about to say, but when he saw the book, he lifted it up and read it. Lloyd walked away and went into the bathroom.

"What is it?" Jay asked.

"oh, crap..." Cole said, reading the first few lines of Lloyd's notebook.

"Fuck..." Zane said, reading the last line.

Nya flipped the page, and the last line was what left them all speechless.

Kai stood up abruptly and ran to the bathroom. It was locked.

"Lloyd, open this god damned door right now!" He shouted, banging on the door. He kicked and punched it, trying whatever he could to open it.

The other ninja stood beside him.

"Get the fuck away from me!" Lloyd cried. Lloyd was in there, cutting himself.

 _Just a few more... And then I'll do it.._

"Open this door!"

Jay ran and grabbed a key and gave it to Kai, who swiftly opened the door and rushed to Lloyd, trying to take the knife away from him.

 _And the hero saves the day, yet again._

"Give it back, Kai!" Lloyd shouted, holding his brother back.

Kai took the knife and shattered it into pieces, all laying down on the floor.

Lloyd broke into tears.

"I just want to die." He said, sitting down as he cried.

"I won't let you die." Kai said.

The ninja were standing beside the door, and Sensei walked up to Lloyd.

"No! Get the hell away from me!" He screamed at him, kicking and punching. He cried, and Kai hugged him.

"Just let me die..." Lloyd said, crying on his shoulder. "I don't want to live anymore. Just... Just let me die... Please..."

"No, Lloyd. We're not letting you die..." Kai whispered, continuing to hug him.

The ninja hugged Lloyd too, and slowly, Lloyd began to settle down.

Sensei looked at Lloyd and sighed.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Suffering**_

 **22hamster22: HERES MORE FOR YOU! Oh, and you might need this *hands a box of tissues***

 **Review if you want to have more!**

* * *

Kai motioned Lloyd out of the room.

Lloyd followed, looking ashamed and confused.

Kai led Lloyd into his room, and shut the door.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" Kai asked.

Lloyd sighed. "Nobody asked."

Kai looked at the cuts that Lloyd have made.

"Lloyd, you shouldn't do this to yourself."

"That's what everyone says!" Lloyd was about to snap. "I'm sick, and fucking tired of everyone saying the same god damn shit over and over again! LLOYD DONT DO THIS! Lloyd! That's not right! Lloyd! You're gonna get over it! Couldn't you guys see? Couldn't you guys see all the pain you gave me!? Fuck..."

"Lloyd..."

"Don't you 'Lloyd' me! I know damn well you don't care. I know damn well that nobody cares about nobody!"

"Lloyd, I care about you."

"Like hell you do! Here we are talking about what just Happened! Couldn't you like, leave me to my business?!"

"You were about to kill yourself!"

"Yeah! No one wouldn't have noticed if you didn't take the book out of the garbage!"

"You're blaming me?!"

"Oh, who else am I blaming, the wall?!"

* * *

Lloyd was in his room, locked in.

"I told you dad..." He said, talking to a picture. "No one cares..."

Jay knocked on the door.

"We're going grocery shopping, Lloyd." He said, sighing. "You want to come with us?"

"I'm fine..." Lloyd mumbled.

He heard Jay's footsteps grow fainter.

Outside, Jay looked at his friends.

"You don't think... You don't think he'd do it again... Do you?"

Kai sighed. "I hope not."

* * *

 _You're nothing, you're never going to be anything._

 _Kai doesn't even care about you._

 _No one loves you._

 _just kill yourself._

 _You're always gonna be a nobody._

 _You're not worthy to be the green ninja._

All those words, Lloyd kept hearing over and over again, like it was an echo in a giant canyon.

 _you're not good enough._

 _Youll never be good enough._

 _No one cares._

"What is wrong with me?!" Lloyd shouted at himself.

* * *

"God damn it, I just want to help him." Kai said to Sensei as he pushed the shopping cart.

"I know, me too." Sensei said. "But it's hard. He won't let me. I remind him too much..."

"Oh..."

Cole pointed in the bakery aisle.

"Pretty please can we got cake!?" He asked, giddily smiling.

Sensei sighed and chuckled. "Just one box, that's it."

* * *

Lloyd took out a rope and tied one end on a hook on the ceiling.

He put a chair under it so that he can stand up.

He stood up on the chair and sighed, looking at the rope.

He took the rope and started wrapping it around his neck.

He heard laughter and talking from outside.

 _Crap._

Lloyd froze, unable to move or speak.

He heard the front door click open and all the laughter and talking stopped.

 _Why aren't you guys laughing?_

Kai ran up to Lloyd.

"Lloyd, don't you dare do it."

"..."

"You know we care about you."

"How do I know you're not just pretending?"

"Cause, remember? We never pretend."

 **AAHHH SORRY SHORT CHAPTER! Anyways, review and favorite this story if you want more!**


	5. Chapter 5 ( short Author's Note)

_**Suffering**_

 **Loki God of Evil: Yo, I didn't know you were a nurse? That's cool!**

 **Ok, guys, just an authors note here right now, this story is not meant to encourage you to self harm or kill yourself. This is for entertainment purposes only, and if any of you are suffering from depression, then you have to tell someone about it. If you're to scared to tell anyone, tell me. You can trust me. You may not know me, but you can trust me. I know it's hard to deal with, and I understand you're in a lot of pain and suffering, but please, don't end your life. Every life is precious, and I promise you that. I know how you feel. It's hard to deal with depression, I know that, but please, don't take your life. So please, don't cut or kill yourself. Talk to me. PM me if anything is bothering you. I am here to help you. I promise.**

* * *

Lloyd sat in his room, sighing.

His knife was gone.

Kai took it.

Why was Kai even trying?

 _Did he care?_

Lloyd shook his head. It was getting late, 10:00 in the evening, and he still haven't slept. He promised Kai that he'd sleep early, but it still hasn't happened.

He looked out of the window.

It was dark. There was no one in sight, not a soul.

He saw the moon shine bright.

The Stars glisten.

one star was shining brighter than the others.

 _The North Star._

He lay on his bed, holding his head.

 _Headache._

He thought of something.

 _Razor Blade._

He remembered that Kai would sometimes use it to shave off his unwanted split ends.

He'd get the razor blade.

He'd get a razor blade and keep it in his room, unknown to the others.

He snuck out of his room and quietly went into the bathroom.

"Where are you?" He mumbled to himself.

He heard someone get out of their room.

"What are you doing?"

 _Kai? Again?_

"Umm... Looking for Tylenol... My head hurt."

 _Well, that's kinda true._

"Lloyd, I know what you're gonna do."

 _Shit._

"Come here. Come."

Lloyd followed Kai back into Lloyd's room, and Kai shut the door.

"Lloyd, don't do this to yourself."

"I have no other choice, Kai." Lloyd's words hurt himself as they came out, syllable by syllable.

"You do. You have two choices. Stop it or keep doing it. I recommend you stop doing it."

"Why do you care so much?"

"...I... Don't know..." Technically he did know, he just didn't want to say it.

"You don't know?" Lloyd rolled his eyes, whisper-shouting.

"Because I love you." Kai blurted out.

Lloyd blinked. "Y-you're kidding right?"

 _Please don't be kidding._

"Y-yeah. O-obviously I was kidding. Heh, yeah. Yeah, I was kidding." He said nervously.

Lloyd's heart sank. There it goes again. Of course he doesn't love him. What'd he think he was gonna say?

"Just... Just get out of my room."

"Wait, what?" Kai widened his eyes.

"Fucking get out!" He screamed, pushing the door open and shoving Kai out.

He waited until he heard Kai sigh and go into his room with the door closed.

He knelt down and started crying.

"What the hell did I do to deserve this?"

* * *

 **I KNOW ANOTHER SHORT CHAPTER! It's night time where I am right now but tomorrow I'll hopefully post a longer one :3**


	6. Chapter 6

_**Suffering**_

 **Loki God of Evil: Good luck! I was reading your profile by the way... You have kids?**

* * *

7:00.

Saturday.

No training, once again.

Lloyd unlocked his phone and looked through it.

 _Instagram, snapchat, Facebook..._

 _This is so stupid._

Jay called out from the living room.

"Hey Green Bean, wanna play some video Games?"

Lloyd peeked out from his room.

Kai, Cole, and Zane were watching Jay and Nya compete at a racing game. Mario Kart.

"No..."

He heard Kai shift around in his seat, and saw he made some room beside him.

Lloyd sighed.

"Sure..."

He walked out and sat beside Kai, looking down.

Kai nudged him.

"Smile." He encouraged.

Lloyd shook his head.

"Theres nothing to smile about."

Jay cheered.

"Oh yeah! Owned you three times in a row!"

Nya pouted.

"You're obviously cheating." She said, going back to the menu.

"You're the one who's trying to cheat!" Jay said, playfully elbowing her.

"Whatever..."

Cole rolled his eyes.

"Hello? You've been on there for 10 minutes, it's our turn." He said, gesturing to him and Kai.

"Fine..."

Nya tossed her controller to Kai, and Jay's controller to Cole.

lloyd watched the screen as Cole was talking to Kai.

"Let's choose this hell lookin place," Cole said, pointing at a map.

"How do you know it looks like hell?" Kai asked, smiling.

"Cause.." Cole said, starting the game.

"You know what it feels like to be in hell?" Kai asked jokingly, rushing to get into first place.

"Oh haha..."

Lloyd opened his mouth to say something, but he closed his mouth quickly. He excused himself and went to the bathroom.

* * *

 _Look at yourself._

 _Youre talking to yourself._

 _How very "mature" of you._

 _How many times do I have to remind you, stop trying._

 _No one cares._

 _You should see yourself._

 _You should be ashamed of yourself._

 _Look at you._

 _Look at your arms._

 _Yet no one sees them._

 _Because you hide them._

 _People think you're crazy for wearing long sleeves in the summer._

 _They're damn right You're crazy._

* * *

Lloyd was in his room, yet again.

He looked for things in his room that he could cut himself with.

Scissors.

The scissors on his dresser.

He'd cut some of his hair when it grew too long with it.

He grabbed it and testes it.

 _Sharp enough._

He put a blade on his arm and pushed it in.

A clean cut.

He went to the next available space.

He heard a knock on his door.

"Lloyd?"

 _Kai._

"Y-yes?"

"What are you doing?"

Before Lloyd could answer, Kai opened the door.

Kai sighed, sitting beside him. He calmly took away the scissors and held him, looking at him straight in the eyes.

"Just let it out, Lloyd."

Lloyd shook his head, trying to get out of his grasps.

"No."

"Don't do this Lloyd."

"What's you to say?"

Kai sighed and rolled up his sleeves.

 _Cuts._

Many cuts.

They were fading now, but some look like they've been done a couple days ago.

Lloyd widened his eyes.

"You don't want this to happen, do you?"

"W-why'd you do that?"

Kai gestured to Lloyd.

 _Oh._

 _Crap._

 _I made him do this._

 _What kind of friend am I?_

"I... I am so sorry..." Lloyd mumbled.

"Don't be sorry to me.." Kai said, rolling the sleeves down.

 _I can't believe I did this to him._

 _He... Cares?_


	7. Chapter 7

_**Suffering**_

* * *

Lloyd was on his computer.

 _How to be perfect._

 _Step 1: Be happy._

"Pfft.. As if..."

 _Step 2: Act like nothing's wrong._

"Easier said than done, right?"

 _Step 3: Be handsome/beautiful._

"Yeah, no. I'm never gonna be handsome."

 _Step 4: Don't be rude._

"Since when was I ever rude?"

He wrote down the steps on a blank piece of paper.

 _How to get rid of a memory._

 _You are not connected to the Internet. Please try again later._

Lloyd groaned.

"Stupid computer!"

He threw the computer against a wall.

"okay... So... I'll wear this... And this..."

He threw some clothes on his bed.

"He looked at himself at the mirror.

"Hey! I was thinking if you want a picnic!" He practised.

"Oh, sure Lloyd. We would love to!" He imitated Jay's voice.

He sighed.

He put on his best smile and walked out of his door.

"Hey guys. You want to have a picnic?"

"Sure! Four hours from now? It's still early." Jay looked at the clock. It was 7:40 now.

"Sure. I just need to get some stuff!"

Lloyd walked out the door.

* * *

He searched on his phone.

 _How to remember everything I need._

 _How to cook delicious food._

 _how to have people like you._

 _how to..._

"I shouldn't be searching this up..."

 _How to kill myself._

He wrote all of the steps on the list on a piece of paper and stuffed it into his pocket.

 _Okay, now to go to the bakery..._

 _And the grocery store..._

 _And anywhere else I need to be..._

* * *

Two hours passed, and Lloyd was running into the house, breathing heavily.

"Woah.." Cole said, looking at him.

Lloyd locked the door and sighed.

"What? You think it's easy being the green ninja out there? Everyone crowds around me before I can scare someone. Well, not that I would, because that would be uncalled for, but still!"

"Chill Lloyd." Zane said.

"Oh, my god Zane, really?" Nya asked, laughing.

Kai shook his head. "Hilarious." He said sarcastically.

Lloyd went into his room and unpacked all of the items.

They were squished.

"No... No no no no no... Fuck!"

He went back on his phone.

 _Cooking spell._

"I mean, why not try right?"

He read a few lines.

"Cook, spook, give me the food that I wished to cook?"

6 plates appeared filled with mashed potatoes, vegetables, cake, chicken, steak, and marshmallows appeared.

"Wow." He said, looking at it.

He put them carefully in a large thermos to keep them hot, except the cake and marshmallows. He put them in a small bag,

He wrote down the spell in his piece of paper and put the paper inside the bag.

"Don't leave, ok?"

 _Winning Spell._

"Who cares what's lame... I just want to win a game?..."

He walked out and went to the ninja.

* * *

Lloyd sat down on the floor.

"Can I play?" He asked.

"Sure." Cole handed the controller. "You're second player, you know how to play?"

"Yeah, duh." Lloyd chose toad.

"Lame." Kai said, picking bowser.

Lloyd chose the stroller car.

Kai chose the fastest one.

"Bad choice there Kai. you have low acceleration." Zane warned.

"So? Who cares."

 _3.._

 _2.._

 _1.._

 _Go!_

Lloyd was getting ahead of Kai.

"Wait... What the?" Kai mumbled.

* * *

Two more hours passed, and Lloyd defeated the ninja twice.

"I told you, I knew how to play."

Jay groaned. "I can't believe I lost." He pouted.

"Well, let's go to the picnic!" Cole said,

Lloyd blinked. "But that isn't until 4 hours..." Lloyd said.

"4 hours already passed." Zane said.

"No it hasn't."

"Yes it has. Look." Zane showed Lloyd the time. 11:40. Lloyd jumped.

"I... I knew that!" Lloyd shouted. "I'm... I'm almost done, just give me a sec!"

He ran to his room and grabbed the bags.

"Okay... Let's go..."


	8. Chapter 8

_**Suffering**_

* * *

Lloyd and the ninja were walking through Ninjago City.

"You're the best, Lloyd!" Nya said, smiling.

"Yup! That's me! I'm... I'm the best!" Lloyd said nervously, carrying the bag and thermos on one hand.

They walked through the park and sat down on a wooden picnic table. Lloyd unpacked the thermos and bag. Everyone's jaw dropped when they saw the contents.

"How... How did you make all this?" Jay asked, dumbfounded.

"I umm... I multitask on umm... A lot of things.." Lloyd mumbled, sitting down as well.

 _Liar._

A few seconds later, the ninja were digging in. Cole was stuffing himself with cake, like he always does. Jay was eating some mashed potatoes, Nya was chewing on some steak, and Zane was going through the marshmallows. Kai was slightly confused on the new act of Lloyd, and decided to look in the bag.

"Anything else in here?" He asked, reaching in.

"No! Don't-" Lloyd shouted.

 _Too late._

 _Crap._

"What's this?"

"It's nothing." Lloyd said coldly, looking away from him.

Kai unfolded the piece of paper. Lloyd sighed.

"'How to be perfect'?" He asked, reading the messy handwriting. "'How to remember everything I need'? 'How to have people like you'?" He squinted. "Cooking Spell?" He asked, shocked. "Winning spell? Wait..." He read the bottom. "Lloyd!"

Lloyd took the piece of paper away from him.

"Lloyd, why?" Zane asked.

"I'm a mess. I'm such a mess." He said, in the verge of tears. "My life is a disaster..." He took a shaky breath. "It's fake. It's all fake.. This!" He gestured at the food. "It's all fake!" He mumbled something from the piece of paper. In an instant, all the food was gone.

"Lloyd!" Cole said. "You're not allowed to do things like this! This isn't like when you were a kid. When you were evil!"

Lloyd was about to explode. "And you think it's easy being the green ninja? You don't have your pictures taken every time you try to scare someone! Not like I could!"

"Your dad wouldn't like this." Jay warned.

 _My dad..._

"Believe me, I know that!" Lloyd shouted, slamming his fists on the table, breaking it.

Lloyd flew away on his elemental dragon, leaving his "friends" behind.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Suffering**_

Lloyd flew somewhere.

 _Of course. That HAD to happen._

What happened to the old Lloyd?

Lloyd was flying with his green elemental dragon, exhausted.

He forgot how exhausting it was to fly.

The wind cooled Lloyd's face, making his hair fly with him.

He looked behind him.

good. The ninja weren't following him. At least... Not yet... Anyway.

Lloyd was getting more and more tired by the second.

He was now flying just above a forest.

 _I've never been here before..._

There were bags under his eyes, but that wasn't a surprise. There bags ever since his father had left.

 _You know you can't do this stuff Lloyd!_

He could hear his "friends" voice ringing in his ears.

 _Im exhausted.._

Lloyd's eyes flashed green for a moment. He was taken by surprise, and then just as his eyes turned back to normal, his elemental dragon had disappeared.

He crashed through the trees and hit the ground with a loud THUD.

"Ow..."

He looked around.

"Where am I?"

* * *

Honestly, I have no fucking idea where I am. It's dark, and I don't have my phone with me. Well, I DID, but it died. I'm in the middle of what looks like a forest. I'm by a loud roaring river, and that's basically all I can hear, besides my thoughts anyways.

I could've sworn I saw a small village around here somewhere. I'm too exhausted to do anything though. Like, I seriously CANNOT move another step.

It was weird what happened before I fell off my dragon though.

It felt like an electric jolt was going through me. It scared the hell out of me.

All I know is that if I stay here, I will die.

I smiled. Well, that's a first.

Well, dying wouldn't really be that bad, since that's all I wanted to do ever since.

I looked up at the sky and sighed.

 _I miss you dad._

* * *

Holy shit. What the fuck actually just happened?

it all happened so fast. Lloyd broke the table and just left. The food disappeared, and all I could see is shocked and disbelieved faces. I was one of them.

"What?.." I mumbled, looking around. Where the hell did Lloyd go?

 **Hey guys! It's me! So... I honestly didn't feel like writing a long chapter but I knew that I had to get something for you guys. So, if you guys want to talk to me, just go on my insta and DM me!**

 **But yeah I don't feel so good :/**

 **Instagram: physco._.fandom._.girl**


	10. Chapter 10

_**Suffering**_

It's dark. It's real dark.

I'm sitting down on the green grass, leaning against the tree.

Its quiet. Real quiet.

Quiet is nice. Quiet let's me think.

I can always hear Morro in my head. It's getting annoying.

 _Look at you._

I took a shaky breath as I start hearing a voice again. I put my head back and I accidently hit an oak tree, but I don't feel the pain.

 _No wonder. It was your own fault. No wonder they hate you._

I sigh and take out my green iPhone. I unlock it and go on the camera app, getting the front camera. I make a small flame with my hands so that I could see what I look like.

 _I'm such a mistake._

That was me talking to myself now. My eyes were bloodshot from the crying I did since I landed here. Well... Not so much as landing as to falling. My face was covered in dirt and scratches, and my hair was in a tangled mess. My face was pale, and I noticed I was a lot skinnier than I was.

I throw the phone onto ground in anger and sadness as my eyes started to tear up. I hear a crack and realize that it's broken.

 _Good. All communication possibilities are gone. Unless somehow they find me._

I shiver at the thought of finding me. Probably dead.

 _You're ugly. You're fat. You're weak. No one can love a person like you._

That was Morro now. I hug my knees tightly and rock back and forth, trying not to cry.

 _You're such a dissapointment._

My eyes stopped stinging from the tears and I stopped rocking. I was still hugging my knees, but I'm looking into the dead space.

I couldn't move.

There was literally no possible way I was just hearing things.

It sounds too real.

I blink and snap back into reality.

I take out my pocket knife that I kept in my pocket and sniff.

I'm doing it again. Why am I doing it again?!

I put the cool, smooth blade onto my right arm, holding the handle tightly with my left.

 _I need to stop. What am I doing?!_

I close my eyes and a tear rolls down my cheek.

 _Kai doesn't love you. No one does. Stop pretending that people care about you, because they don't._

That was Morro speaking.

I start crying and look at my left arm, looking at all the previous and recent cuts that I have made.

He was right.

he was always right.

I was so dumb to think that people cared.

I knew too damn well that no one did.

I was so stupid to think that people loved me. No one ever does.

I wipe my eyes with my left arm and look at my right. Without thinking, I start cutting. I wince in pain but I don't stop.

After a few minutes of staring into space while cutting, I stop. I look around and see that I'm still in the forest, and I feel a sharp pain in my right arm.

I squinted my eyes and winced, turning my head slowly to look at it. I didn't realize that I was cutting to spell out Kai's name.

 _Well, look what you did._

(A/N KRR should know where this part came from XD me and her were roleplaying and Kai was cutting P.S Kai stop being a dick. Kai was cutting and one of his arms had Lloyd's name on it :3 OH AND ALSO IF YOU WANT TO, YOU CAN DONATE TO #StopColeAbuse! In our rp Cole is being picked on I think, and we would like you to donate! Even if all you can donate is a penny, it is greatly appreciated! Anyway back to the story XD)

Blood seeped out from the cuts, and I watch as the red liquid fell onto the green grass. (*cough* SEE WHAT I DID THERE?! *cough*)

 **This is it for the lemme see... 10/11 chapter? I don't know, I'm too lazy to check lol. SORRY FOR THE LONG FUCKING WAIT T-T**


	11. Chapter 11

_**Suffering**_

God damnit.

Where the hell are you, Lloyd?

I look over to the others and sigh.

"It looks as if, according to my calculations, that Lloyd has flew at that direction." (A/N yes I English very goodly.) Zane says, looking at the sky thoughtfully and pointing northeast.

"Yeah, well, I'm starving!" Jay whines, and I roll my eyes. "That food disappeared in my stomach?"

Cole punches him lightly, and I cross my arms.

"Guys!" I shout, and everyone turns to look at me, freezing their bodies. I look at them with a serious look. "Lloyd could be in danger! So stop fucking fighting and get on your dragon!"

Nya looks at me with a sad look and takes my hand. "We're gonna find him." She says in a reassuring tone, and my shoulders relax a bit. I let out a sigh of relief and look down.

"I really hope so..." I mumble, walking away. I start making my dragon, and the others do too.

* * *

I draw an imaginary line on the bark of an old tree, looking at it in wonder. Perhaps I could make a weapon to defend myself?

I take out my pocket knife and try my best to carve out a long, thick, and surprisingly bendy piece of wood.

"Now I need some string..." I say to myself, looking around. I scratch my right arm and immedietly regret cutting there. That was the hand I would use for everything. Writing, drawing, eating. Now it hurts every time I move a muscle in it or even touch it. I mean, not that I don't like being hurt. I've already been hurt millions of times by my "friends"...

I sigh in anger and throw the wood on the ground. What use would it be to me?

I look at the tree and punch it hard, not caring how painful it would be. I wince and I keep my fist there, and I start crying.

I take my fist out and widen my eyes, seeing blood drip down. I wipe my eyes and sniff. Is this really the life I want to live? Do I even want to live?

All of a sudden, I felt an electric jolt go through my body, and my heart starts beating fast. I feel my eyes hurting, and I close them.

 _Give up already!_

No... That..

I fall to the ground, and I'm relieved that the pain is gone.

My heart stopped beating fast, and my eyes are back to normal.

I breath heavily and lay down on the hard ground, closing my eyes. "Everything's ok..." I say, talking to myself. "I'm thirsty as fuck, and I'm in the middle of nowhere. I have no friends, everyone hates me. But everything's ok."

I lay there for some time before I hear flapping wings. I sit up abruptly and look up.

"Oh, shit..." I mumble, standing up.

The ninja were coming.

and I needed to run.

I start running, and I don't stop. I quickly look behind me, and the dragons weren't there anymore. Instead, I saw 4 figures chasing me.

"Come the fuck on." I say to myself as I kept running. It was the ninja, and once again they had to save the day.

Pat least I'm wearing my sweater. No one can see my cuts through my sweater.

No one will be able to see my pain through my sweater.

As I look straight, I see something that made my heart start beating faster.

There was a cliff.

* * *

"Lloyd!" I shout, trying to make myself run faster. I had tears in my eyes. "Don't you fucking dare!"

He looked scared, he looked hurt.

he looked at me with his wide, emerald green eyes as I stepped closer to him. He was shaking in fear.

He looks back to the cliff, and then at me.

"Please... Come back..." I say, trying not to cry. I stretch my arms out and he ran over to me, crying.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." He sobs, hiding his face in my chest. "I'm sorry for everything... I'm sorry for being here. I'm sorry for wasting your time. I'm so sorry..."

I hug him tightly, and the ninja crowd around me and Lloyd.

"Lloyd, you ok bud?" Cole asks, shaking his shoulder gently.

"Go away..." He says in a harsh tone. "All of you. Go away." He doesn't let go of me, but he hugs my tighter. "I just want to be with Kai.." He sniffs and starts to cry again.

I look at them and shrug, giving them a sad smile. The others look at each other and walk away.

"We'll give you some space." Jay says, making his dragon. The others do too.

"call us when you need us!" Zane says, flying away.

It was just me and Lloyd now. I blush and look at him. His breathing has gone heavy, but his cries were quieting down now.

"Hey..." I say, trying to make conversation. "Why are you sorry?" I pull him off of me and hold both of his shoulders, looking at him dead in the eyes.

"Because..." He looks down, and I lift his chin up to look at me. "Because I'm a mess. I'm such a mess. I can't be the green ninja if I act like this. I'm not suppose to be the green ninja. I'm useless. There's nothing for me here."

He starts crying again, and I hug him tightly.

"Don't you say that." I sigh and start rubbing his back in a soothing way. "You're not useless. You're not any of those things." I blush again. "If anything, you're the most kind hearted, most amazing person I have ever met." I let go of him and gave him a smile.

He wipes his eyes and smiles back. "Thanks..."

"Any time, kid." I laugh and ruffle his hair.

"Hey! Nobody messes up my hair!" He shouts, giggling. I blush and smile as he starts messing up my hair.

"Meanie." I say, and I look at him with a wide smile.

He smiles back and looks at the cliff.

 _Oh no._

"what are you doing?" I ask, holding him by the shoulders.

"Nothing..." He starts playing with his right sweater sleeve, pulling it down more."Just... Just thinking about things..." He blushes, and I blush with surprise.

"What's that?" I point at his right sweater sleeve, looking at him.

"Oh... That?" He looks down. "That's just my arm. Why?" He rubs his arm and winces.

I roll up his sleeve and widen my eyes.

He looks away with hurt and guilt. "I'm sorry... Im sorry..."

I hug him tightly. "Why?"

On his arm was my name written with a knife.

"Why?" I ask again.

He starts crying. "Because... Because I love you." He takes a shaky breath and continues. "I've always loved you. I never wanted you to be around me so that you didn't have to expirience my pain with me. You're with Skylor and I know it's wrong to like a guy and—"

 **OOOOOH CLIFFHANGER LOLOL I'm sorry I'm gonna jump of a bridge now *dies***


	12. Chapter 12

_**Suffering**_

 **I love reading your reviews so much because the make me laugh and motivate me.**

 **Anyways here we goooo**

* * *

I starts crying. "Because... Because I love you." I takes a shaky breath and continue. "I've always loved you. I never wanted you to be around me so that you didn't have to expirience my pain with me. You're with Skylor and I know it's wrong to like a guy and..." I close my eyes and look at him in the eyes. He looks at me back. Before I could let him respond, I let my lips touch his. They were soft and warm... Not like mine. Mine were wrinkly and cold. I blush madly and he kisses me back, which took me by surprise.

I pull away and look at him again, seeing his face now blushing.

"You... You liked me?"

I look down in embarrasment. "Y-yeah... I did... I always have.."

I menatlly punch myself in the face. Why the hell am I saying this?! He's not even a single bit gay, it's no use.

He cups my face and I blush, feeling him tilt my head to look at him.

"I loved you too." He kisses me this time, and I widen my eyes and kiss back.

 _I have no idea what's going on._

He pulls back and smiles. "So, Mr. GreenBean had a crush on me?"

I roll my eyes and laugh. "Yeah, I had a crush on a hothead named Kai."

 _Laugh._

I haven't laughed for a long time.

Kai smiles wider. "You little weirdo." He ruffles my hair.

I don't mind. I would never mind anything in a time like this. I've just kissed my crush, my crush kissed me. Things couldn't get any better?

Could it?

* * *

I ruffle his hair and blush. I never thought that he would like me, of all people. What is there to like about?

I mean, I am hot.

But that's beside the point.

He was perfect in every way. His perfect hair. His perfect eyes. His perfect smile.

Hes perfect for me.

I don't know why he would deny that.

"You're so important to me." I say, putting an arm around him.

"Why would I be important to you?" He asks, tilting his head. "All I've done is be an annoying brat and a depressed dick." (A/N KRR hint our ROLEPLAY XD)

i try not to laugh at his words. Come on, you can't not laugh at that word!

"You're the green ninja! You know, the hero who saves everyone and has awesome skills!" I nudge him playfully. "You're important to everyone."

"I don't see how I'm suppose to be the green ninja." I see him bury his face in his hands. "I'm supposed to be an optimist but I'm not. I'm suppose to be brave when I'm not. I'm supposed to be fearless but I'm not. I'm suppose—"

I kiss him to make him stop. It seemed to work because he immedietly shut up. I could feel myself blush.

"Thanks..." I see him blush and look up at me. "But what about Skylor?"

I shrug. "I've kinda grown far apart from her. I don't like her anymore. But I like someone way more now." I smirk.

"Hm... You like... Dareth now?" He laughs. "I'm joking..."

I rest my head on his shoulder. "I love you." I kiss his cheek.

* * *

God damnit Kai.

Why didnt your ass tell me earlier?

I blush and roll my sleeve down. "I love you too."

He looks at me.

"Don't do this again, please. I was so god damn worried." He pinches my ear and I jerk away, giggling.

"I'm not a kid anymore!" I say, bursting into uncontrollable giggling. "My ear is not yours to touch!"

I sigh and smile, my laughter dying down.

Kai smiles back.

"You little weirdo." He says to me, kissing my cheek again, making me blush.

 **|~OoO~|**

Some time later, we were walking back home, and me and Kai were holding hands, talking to each other.

"So... If you miss the ball when you swing it's a strike?" I ask, processing the information that he'd have given me about a game called Baseball.

"Mm hm." He nods.

"And... If the ball was too low then it's a ball?" I was a bit confused as to why it was called a "Ball".

"That's right."

"Man... That's confusing." I laugh.

"You need to play it a few times, you'll get the hang of it." (A/N I am no good at sports ;-;)

(Oh, fun fact I just procrastinated XP)

I sigh happily and look at Kai. He just seemed so perfect.

Hes way more perfect than me.

Why the hell would he choose me instead of Skylor?

 _You're so stupid. Thinking that he actually loves you._

Ugh. Stupid voice. I try to ignore it and keep walking with Kai.

 _Look at that. You even call me stupid now? Oh... You'll learn soon enough.._

I stare in dead space for a minute, and I stop walking.

"Are you ok, Lloyd?" Kai asks with concern.

I couldn't move or talk.

I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my heart again.

No... Not again!

 _Just give up already. What good will you do in this world?_

I wince and close my eyes forcefully, putting a hand on my chest and feeling my way to Kai, looking for support.

"Lloyd?" I hear him run over to me, and he supports me with one arm.

I breath heavily. I can feel my legs getting limp, and I can't open my eyes anymore.

"Kai..." I can feel myself hit the hard cement of the sidewalk.

And everything went black.

 _I'm coming for you. I'm coming for every single one of you._

* * *

"Lloyd?" I shout, trying to lift him up. "Lloyd?!" I carry him and call the others.

"Hello?" It was Cole.

"Cole. I need your guys' help. Now." I struggle to find the right words without making my voice crack.

"Why? What happened?"

"Just fucking get over here! I'm here, near uh..." I look at a street sign. "I'm near 43th Street."

"We're coming."

I hang up, and I look over to Lloyd, his eyes not opening.

Holy fucking God, what the hell happened?

It was... Undescribeable.

His skin had turned into a deathly pale, and his eyes had glowed a much brighter green than his usual eye color.

His skin is cold. I touched his hand, and it was cold.

I roll up one of his sleeves. No, the cuts didn't reopen.

"God damnit. Where are you guys?" I say to myself, hugging Lloyd close to me.

 **Heyyyyyyy kinda like a short chapter idk how long this chapter is I'm too lazy to check. Also if anyone that I roleplay is reading this (hint hint Taylor if you're ever reading this) you would know what scene this is from.**

 **And my English speaking are very goodly correct. If you think me made a mistake you is wrong. Me make no mistake when me write.**


	13. Chapter 13

_**Suffering**_

 **I'm so smart I'm writing at 10 pm whoop woop (: (notice I do the smiley face backwards when I'm being sarcastic)**

* * *

I wake up in an all white room. I gasp and sit up suddenly, not aware of my surroundings.

I look around and squint my eyes, not noticing before how bright it was.

 _Hospital._

I was at a hospital.

No one was here.

I look over at my arms and notice there were strings attached to them.

The strings had led to the heart monitor. (A/N I'm sorry if I'm horrible at these hospital things, I haven't been to a hospital in years)

I pull off the strings and the monitor started beating quickly, and stopping shortly after. I sigh and sit on the edge of this... Bed?

I look over to the side and notice a small picture frame with the ninja and me, cheering happily.

I reach over to lift it up, but I instead get a flashback.

 _"It's been um... A few days..." Kai said, taking Lloyds hand in his. Lloyd didn't move, much less flinch. He just layed there, motionless. "I um... Told the others that I was gay... I was really surprised that they accepted me."_

 _He smiled sadly and a tear rolled down his cheek. "We really miss you. Uh... I found out that um... Skylor was cheating with me.." He took a shaky breath and rested a small picture frame on the table beside Lloyds bed._

 _"Now... If ever you come back..." Kai sounded as if he was about to cry. "We could... Maybe... Get together sometime."_

I sigh and hug the picture tightly. Has it really been that long?

I stand up and look in the mirror. I look pretty much the same as I always did, except I was in a hospital gown and I was a little bit skinnier. My hair was still messy.

I notice in the corner of my eye that my ninja suit was hanging on a coat rack.

I walk over to it and brushed my hand over it. (AHHHH whoever knows a game called Beyond Two Souls knows the hospital scene lol)

 _"Guess what?" Jay said in a slightly happy tone. "The doctor said that you'll be awake in a couple of hours!"_

 _Nya clapped and jumped excitedly. "Then we could see you and talk to you!"_

 _Cole smirked at Kai. "And maybe Kai can get a new love." He said, nudging Kai slightly._

 _Kai scoffed and slapped Cole away playfully. "Maybe." He mumbled, blushing. He walked over to the coat rack and hung up lloyds suit. "Wear this when you're awake. We'll come back in a couple of hours."_

 _The others left talking to each other, and Kai kissed Lloyds forehead. "See you soon." He said, closing the door gently._

I take off my gown and get into my suit, thankful that at least the doctors left me underwear. I look out my window and notice the guys flying down. Besides, who else would ride a dragon in the middle of the city?

A few minutes pass, and I'm pacing around nervously, blowing on my hands once in a while.

Its cold. Who knew?

What if... What if they don't come? What if they don't recognize me? What if—

"Hey Lloyd!" Nya says in a sing song voice, holding cake in her hands.

It was chocolate cake, with white icing drizzled on top of it. Chocolate sprinkles went on top, and I could tell Cole was itching to eat some.

"Hi." I say simply, taking the cake from her hands and setting it down on a table.

"What's wrong?" Jay asks.

I roll my eyes. "What's wrong? Really? What's wrong? Nothing is wrong. Everything is fine. Everyone and everything is cupcakes and rainbows. I'm never gonna be depressed!" I say, clapping my hands with fake enthusiasm. "Yay! Now we can go eat the cake and we can all go home!"

Kai looks at me sadly. "Seriously, what's wrong?"

I sigh angrily, not looking at him. "Nothing is wrong, ok?"

"But-"

"I said Nothing Is Wrong!" I shout at him, and my heart and eyes hurt for a split second. I look down in embarrasment and guilt. "Nothing is wrong..."

 _Oh. I see you're acting though here now, are you?_

"Shut up!" I hold my head and close my eyes. "Fucking shut up!"

"Lloyd?" Zane asks in concern.

 _Dumbass. You really think they care? I wish you would've died._

"Y-yeah... I'm fine... I'm sorry..." I stutter, trying to get my words out. I blink and look at the cake, seeing that Cole has already eaten a piece.

I sigh and look around the room. Jay, Zane, Cole, and Nya were talking, but Kai stood alone in the room.

* * *

lloyd yelled at me.

he never yelled at me.

He was obviously pissed. He never yells unless he's pissed.

But what is he pissed off about?

"Hey..." I hear a small whisper beside me, and it was Lloyd. I breath a small sigh of relief.

"Hey." I say, blushing. "Uh... How are you feeling?"

"I could be doing way better, considering I just woke up and I feel shitty as hell. But I'll manage." He shrugs, taking a sip of water. "Want some?" He hands me a bottle, and I gladly take it.

"Thanks!" I smile and kiss him on the cheek, taking a sip, and I can see Lloyd blushing in the corner of my eye.

"God damnit Kai..." He fumes and giggles, still blushing like a tomato.

"Speak for yourself, tomato face." I chuckle and roll my eyes.

 **Eh shit chapter but heyyyy I got 3 chapters in 1 day r u happy :3**


	14. Chapter 14

_**Suffering**_

It's been a few days since the whole hospital thing.

Things are getting better.

I think.

I don't know.

Kai got back together with Skylor.

She apperantly begged him.

And he apperantly agreed.

It sucks.

Thinking I would actually have someone who loved me.

Things are getting worse for me, I guess.

Jay just bought a new game console, and Cole finally learned how to make good food.

I'm in my room, locked away again.

No one noticed.

I trace my finger over my cuts and sigh.

Why hadn't that thing just kill me?

Im already weak enough.

And I look ugly enough.

 _You're so stupid._

That voice again.

The voice that sounded so much like Morro's.

Was it Morro's?

Morro was dead, I'm sure.

 _When will you learn to just know that everyone hates you?_

Everyone does hate me.

They just do a good job hiding it.

 _You should've died right then. Why did you fight back?_

I think my only purpose in this world is just to give people something to hate.

And that's me.

Who would love someone like me?

God damnit.

I miss him so damn much.

He just left.

I miss his calming voice, telling me that I'm worth it.

I miss his soft, warm lips.

I miss his messy hair.

I miss... Him.

Its different now.

I still love him.

I love him so fucking much.

I love the way he would mess up my hair.

I love the way he would just talk about anything or everything.

Its different now.

He spends so much time with Skylor, I think he forgot about me.

Kai, the person I cared about the most, left me for a much more intelligent, smart, beautiful, amazing person.

Im not sad.

Im proud that he atleast has someone he could love, rather than always having to deal with my depression.

At least he doesn't have to feel the pain I feel.

* * *

I was texting Skylor.

 _Kai: Hey ^_^_

 _Skylor: Hey babe! =3_

 _Kai: I missed you so much (O3O)_

 _Skylor: Aw, I miss you too! Guess what? Im coming over next week!_

 _Kai: Really? ヽ(^。^)ノ_

 _Skylor: Yup! Oh, shoot I gtg .·´¯`(*▂*)´¯`·._

 _Kai: See ya! =3_

I sigh and hit my head on my pillow.

Skylors coming next week.

I look over at my wall, which on the other side is Lloyd's room.

I regret coming back to her.

I really do.

But I can't just leave.

that would hurt her feelings.

But I miss him.

Why do I miss him?!

He was probably just joking, anyway.

But he kissed me.

God damnit, he kissed me!

His lips were soft and it felt like we were on fire, but in a good way.

God, it felt so good.

Whenever me and Skylor kissed, I never felt that.

What the hell is going on?

I need to get my mind off things.

I get off my bed and walk to the kitchen, trying my best not to look at Lloyd's locked door.

Hes been in there for days.

Its all my fault.

I promised him.

But I broke my promise.

* * *

I've been crying for a while now.

It's dark in my room.

Besides the sun shining through my curtain, it's dark.

It's one of those cries where you can't get any noise out.

No whimper.

No sound at all.

Ive been like that for a while now.

It helps me pretend that nothing is wrong.

Theres so much wrong.

I hear someone knock on my door.

I take a shaky breath.

"Lloyd?"

It was Kai.

Of course it was.

"What is it?" I ask, my voice coming out raspy.

Ive found that being rude made me not think about love as much.

The best way to pretend you're fine is to pretend you don't have any feelings.

"Uh..." I could sense his unsureness. (wait, is that a word?) "I just wanted to let you know that Skylor is coming over next week."

Well, fucking great.

"Oh."

Of course. Skylor is gonna come and have fun with Kai. That's what people always do nowadays, right?

"Is that um... Ok with you?"

 _"Of course not."_ I wanted to say that to him. I really did. I fought the urge.

"Yeah. Whatever. I don't care. It's not like she'd want to see me anyways. I'll just be in my room like I always am."

"Ok..." Kai says, and by the tone of his voice, I think he was sad.

Why would he be sad?

He had an amazing girlfriend and he's not experiencing depression.

I hear him sigh. "Im sorry.."

I wanted to say something. I really did. But... Nothing.

Nothing came out of my mouth.

I hear him walk away.

Great.

I look over at my closet and the massive arrays of dull green overpowering my old, but still vibrant light green clothes.

Here we go again.

I take a deep breath and start getting dressed. I put on a black t-shirt that I found and a dark green hoodie. I pull the hood all the way up on my head so that no one could see my eyes.

I put on black pants and black shoes, stomping out of my room.

Here we go.

I was just about to open the front door when Cole interrupted me.

"Where are you going?" He asks.

I breath in.

"The usual." I say, before my voice cracked. "Y'know, just the usual place where everything is so happy and cheerful."

I didn't want to say anything. I couldn't.

I walk out of the bounty and slammed the door shut.

I start running.

Downtown.

Bar.

Thats it.

I run for a while before reaching a bar. I walk in and pull my head up, realizing everyone there was way older than me. Well, not way. But kinda way.

I sit on a barstool.

"Strongest one." I order, putting my head down.

I hear the bartender chuckle. (OK GUYS DONT JUDGE ME OK IVE NEVER BEEN TO A BAR BEFORE IRL SO DONT JUDGE PLS ;-;)

"You sure kid? I don't think you should be drinking here."

I roll my eyes and let out an impatient sigh. "I've been here at least 14 times a month. Get real."

I finally get my drink and I chug it down.

Bitter.

Bitter, but it felt good.

 _Here you go again. Drinking away your problems._

I ignore the voice and order for another drink.

I order 6 more drinks, chugging it faster and faster each time.

My head hurt like hell, but I'm not stopping.

I felt drowsy, but who even gives a fuck?

A few drinks after that, I got kicked out.

No surprise. They always kick me out after I stayed there for a certain amount of time.

I hiccup and start walking around the city of Ninjago aimlessly, tripping over the cracks in the sidewalk.

I started to walk farther away from the bounty, but to no avail.

I was just about to walk into the bounty, but decided to swerve around it and go past it, not going into it.

By then, I just looked like I was lost or something.

I hiccup and trip Over the grass. Who does that?!

As I struggle to stand up, I felt two strong hands grip me by my shoulders.

Immedietly, I widen my eyes and start trying to squirm away.


	15. Chapter 15

_**Suffering**_

I turn him around to make him face me.

I saw his face was filled with tear streaks.

What did he do?

"It's me! It's me..." I say, trying to calm him down.

* * *

I'll admit it.

I barely get drunk.

The rare times I do get drunk, it's not that bad.

Just tripping on my steps and hiccuping a lot.

His chocolate brown eyes met my dull green eyes.

I took a shaky breath and hug him tightly.

He was finally back.

He remembered me.

"Are you Ok?" He asks, hugging me back.

I nod and pull away from the hug, feeling embarrased.

"S-sorry..."

"For what?"

I look down.

"For going out and getting drunk." I say, trying to choose my words carefully. "For worrying you. For hugging you. For—"

I get inturrupted by lips touching mine. I widen my eyes in surprise, blushing. I tried to process what was happening.

He was kissing me.

He was kissing me!

I kiss him back, and he pulled away.

He was blushing too.

"B-but..." I blink. "You're with Skylor.."

He sighs and looks away. "I know... And I regret it so damn much."

"Why?"

"Because..." He paused for a moment, and I held my breath. "Because I hate her. She cheated on me, and now she wants to date me again, and so I did, and ever since, you've been locked away."

Ill admit, that was true.

"Well... Yeah.." I play with my fingers. "But that's because I know she's so much better for you. She's so much smarter, more beautiful, braver... Everything that I don't have."

"Don't say that!" He takes my hand, but I pull away. "Look, you're an amazing guy. And... One day you're gonna look back and see all the changes you've made over the years. You've improved so much, you've done so much to help the world."

I blush and look down.

"And.." He continues. "If people can't see that, then they're missing out on something wonderful." He pulls me into a hug, and I bury my face in his shoulder.

"Thank you..." I say, sniffing.

"Your welcome." He smiles. "And.. I'm sorry about the whole Skylor thing."

"Did you tell her about you being gay?"

"No.." He sighs. "I was too afraid."

"Oh." I pull away, and stand up.

* * *

Ah great.

Since that day I've never forgotten about him.

And now Skylor is sitting beside me, her head on my shoulder.

We were in my room, sleeping together. **(No they're not doing what you think they are -_-)**

"I love you, Kai." She says, kissing my cheek.

God damnit.

I felt like I was cheating on Lloyd.

But we're not even dating.

"I love you too.." I kiss her forehead and rested my head against the wall.

"Are you ok?" She asks, concerned.

"Just tired."

And thinking about Lloyd.

No! Stop thinking about him!

"Oh. Well, it is night." She giggles.

"Yeah, you're right." I tuck the blanket on top of us.

"Good night, love." Skylor kisses my cheek.

We both fell asleep.

* * *

I hear someone knocking at my door.

I check the time.

5:00 am.

Who the fuck wakes up at that time?

I get out of bed and open the door, only to be "welcomed" by Skylor.

"Hey!" She says with fake cheerfulness.

"Uh... Hey?" What was going on?

"So, what's up?"

Why was she acting so weird?

"Nothing much. You woke me up." I say in gritted teeth.

"Oh, I did?" I can tell she had fake suprise in her voice. "I'm so sorry! What were you dreaming about?"

"...Why?"

Ok, I'm definently confused.

"You were dreaming about Kai, weren't you?"

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Don't lie to me, you gay ass piece of shit."

I was startled by her change of tone and I stumble backwards.

"W-what?"

"Dont pretend that you don't like him. Because you obviously do." She crosses her arms.

"B-but I don't..."

I was lying.

Easiest way out, right?

"You don't think that none of the ninjas told me that you loved him?"

Did they?

Now I was mad.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I stand up taller, trying to act tough.

She chuckles, rolling her eyes. "Don't lie to me, kid. I know that you love him. Stay away from him. He's mine."

"You can't tell me what to do."

"Yes I can. I'm older than you."

"Mentally, yes. Physically, no."

"It's wrong for a boy to like a boy. Let alone a most likely 14 year old liking a 19 year old."

"EXCUSE ME?!"

Now I was really getting mad.

My heart started beating fast, and my eyes started tricking me with making the world have a tainted green colour in it.

My heart and eyes hurt.

"Listen to me here, you little shit." She pushes me up against a wall. "Get your gay ass away from him."

I growl and push her off me, pinning her against a wall. "You can't tell me what I can and can't do." I say, raising my fist into the air.

Wait, what am I doing?

Im not trying to punch her!

Whats going on?

I can't control myself!

She smirks. "Help!" She shouts at the top of her lungs.

My eyes stung but I ignore the pain.

Now she'll get what she deserved.

What am I thinking?!

i hear people rushing out of their rooms, and gasps from outside my door.


End file.
